11 May 2021

Elevate and Overcome

How to get out of an abusive relationship step by step guide

There are many routes to take to get out of an abusive relationship. Whether you are a child being abuse by a parent, or you a spouse been abuse by a partner. Also, there are choices and options you can take that will be instrumental in guiding you on how to leave. You made the first mistake by keeping quiet when he or she first started mistreating you. Therefore, you gave them that power to think that they own you. Only God can claim that authority over you.

In most cases, staying in an abusive relationship is a choice. No matter what, you should never be silent about it. Speak up at the very first sign of abusive behaviour. Also, speaking out is your most effective and powerful weapon at stopping any unwanted verbal, physical or aggressive behaviour.

love and abuse do not correspond

It is essential to remember that you are looking for a lover, a soulmate, a friend, someone that will protect you. You are not looking for a master. It is true that some women love men who show a dominant personality in the relationship. However, these kinds of individual attributes can grow and foster unacceptable behaviour if not challenged and changed early into the relationship. This could be a sign of abusive tendencies in the making.

Additionally, love demonstrates generosity, caring, sharing, understanding and consideration. Only you hold the keys to saving your life or allowing your partner to destroy your life. There is no love in violence, those two just do not correspond in any way shape or form. Therefore, there is no such thing as loving someone more than the way you love yourself.

  • Step 1: Question yourself about where do you see yourself in a year’s time. Do you think you will be in a fruitful healthy relationship? Do you see yourself ending up dead at the hands of your abuser?
  • Step 2: Speak to someone. This will open a door for you to receive help from family, friends, authorities, organizations and foundations that provide help for people that are in your situation.
  • Step 3: Look for a way out. Gather all the courage you can to get out and stay out. Use the resources that are available to you. Get a restraining order if this will give you the courage to do what you have to. You must get out while you still can. Start a new life and leaving the bad memory behind.

You must leave God will make a way for you

Loving someone that hurts you physically and emotionally is not the smartest thing to do. You are only expanding the parameters of traumatization. You are looking in the eyes of death if you chose to stay in that abusive relationship. Are you afraid to leave because he or she is going to hurt you? That is exactly what he or she is doing now.

Being beaten by someone is not fun and it is definitely not showing love. Also, this will leave physical and emotional scars that in all cases will need some form of counselling to help will the healing process. This may sound harsh, but it is the sad reality of it. Most abusive relationships end up in tragedy, whether is death or permanent damage to your body. Some people are even left mentally challenged by the hands of abusers.  

Most abusers do not feel they are responsible for their actions. They will frequently say “you made me do this”. “This is your fault”. Accepting their abusive behaviour will not help them to change unless they are forced to accept responsibility for the pain and suffering they have caused.

The abuser must accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour

They must take ownership of their actions and seek help. As the recipient of their anger and abuse, the best thing you for do for yourself and them to speak the truth and leave. Allow yourself and them time to get the help you both need. Maybe then the kind of relationship you both need will be possible. But like all good things, a good relationship too will take time. The tools you need are out there but you have to start by speaking the truth.

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